Nikki Talks to God

NIKKI: Lord, why do I have so much work to do? Why can't I have sane clients who know what they want and still want the same thing two days later?

GOD: My child, you were concerned that you and your husband would not be able to send your child to school. And lo! I have inundated you both with a veritable deluge of projects, that your child may grow in wisdom and learning. As for clients, they are the work of the Devil.

NIKKI: Amen to that. But, um, about the money thing? It's not that I'm not grateful, but I distinctly remember opting for the "billionaire-relative-I've-never-heard-of-keels-over-and-leaves-me-loads-of-pelf" route.

GOD: Ah, but then you would not appreciate My bounty, and would no doubt fritter it away on foolishness such as cosmetics and original video games.

NIKKI: Okay, in the first place, Lord, even I cannot manage to spend billions on Anew retroactive cream; and in the second place, look how the good people at 3DO have suffered because I bought pirated versions of Heroes of Might and Magic!

GOD: You do not realize that I have a plan for penurious game developers as well. You are merely too flawed and mortal to grasp My grand scheme... yet you persist in questioning Me every time we have these discussions.

NIKKI: I know, Lord, but if You didn't want me to be this way, then why would You make me this way? It's really not kosher that You go around penalizing us mortals for what may be considered, as it were, manufacturing defects. I know greater thinkers than me have pondered this over the years, but You know, I'm just sayin'.

GOD: This, too, is unfortunately beyond your limited comprehension. I work in mysterious ways, it's well-documented.

NIKKI: You always fall back on the "I'm divine, you're not" argument, You know that? You are a cheaty debater.

GOD: When I do it, it is called "lateral thinking", not "cheating". Now be quiet and do your job; and let Me get on with Mine. I don't even know why I bother responding to your laughably-named "prayers"; I ought to delegate it to some minor saint, really...

NIKKI: Because You love us troublesome lambs more than the placid sheep, right? It's in Your book; it's well-documented.

(I'm aware that most people don't go around reporting their conversations with the Almighty, but you know I tell you guys everything. Obviously, this is the slightly edited version, by the way, because of course the Lord got the last word, as He always does. But this is my blog, so until He puts up one of His own, I get to decide how these things are presented. So there.)