Dear My Clients,

I would just like to respectfully point out to you that the Internet, telephones, and project managers were all placed by God on His green earth for a reason: to facilitate the execution of projects and the general ease of remote communication. The people who were chosen by the Lord to invent these things were very creative individuals--therefore, we should all do our utmost to pay them homage by making judicious use of their innovations.

Instead of making certain copywriters (and I know who I am) travel the length and breadth and depth of the city in order to engage in conversations that, in essence, boil down to the following:

CLIENT: Nikki, do this.

NIKKI: Okay.

It's not that I mind seeing your faces, really, but these are hours that I could have spent working--on your projects--instead of listening to myriad cab drivers pontificate on the evils of government and sundry other segments of the human race. I do appreciate that one of you summoned me to your office in order to say "Great job, Nikki. We're lucky to have you on our team." But the facts are, sir, that you work in Paranaque; I live in Ortigas; and the good people at Hallmark Greetings and the post office need to make a living too.

Admittedly, I make a conscious effort to look attractive and be entertaining in all social situations, including professional ones. If, however, you feel the need to communicate with me face-to-face rather than via telecommunications or through PMs simply because you enjoy my company, I will gladly provide you with a photograph of myself. It will last longer than any meeting, and you may converse with it to your heart's content. I will even happily spend for a tape recorder that will play, at the touch of a button, my voice saying the words, "Sure," "No problem," and, of course, "Okay".

I know that I have given you the impression--not entirely untrue--that I am the fastest keyboard-jockey in the East, but you must understand that these essentially pointless voyages significantly delay the writing-and-research process. I know that you are only trying to help by contributing your "inputs", but I wish you would understand that I do have a triple-digit IQ, and I am quite capable of deciphering written or telephoned instructions.

I also wish that you would stop saying "inputs", but I have learned not to ask for too much, so as not to strain the resources of the Almighty.


Sincerely yours,
Nikki Alfar
Unwillingly Itinerant Copywriter