grief cycle: the porn version
I don't really know how it came about, but the gang and I happened to be discussing the famous 'grief cycle' (You know: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance). So naturally, given my twisted mind, I immediately came up with the Porn Grief Cycle, exclusively applicable to non-consensual pornography, and usually run through at super-speed, in a span of five minutes or less.
DENIAL = "No! No! How can you do this to me?! Why are you doing this to me!? You can't do this to me!"
ANGER = "You son of a bitch, how dare you do this to me, I'll kill you!"
BARGAINING = "Okay, I'll suck you off, but don't fuck me," quickly followed by "Okay, fuck me, but don't fuck my ass!"
DEPRESSION = quiet sobbing
ACCEPTANCE = fucking back so it will be over as quickly as possible
Tasteless, innit? And now you know the kind of conversations we tend to fall into... Maybe it's the coffee?
Grammar and Punctuation: the future tense
We are time-traveling by handling the future tense prior to the past tense because the past tense is the most important from a writer's point of view, and, perhaps correspondingly, the most frequently mangled. In comparison, the future tense is a breeze.
simple future: Nikki will write about grammar.
future progressive: Nikki will be writing about grammar.
future perfect: Nikki will have written about grammar.
future perfect progressive: Nikki will have been writing about grammar.
As you may remember from grammar school, the word 'will' in these examples can be replaced by the word 'shall' or the phrase 'is going to'. In modern usage, however, 'shall' is usually reserved for cases in which there is an implied decision. (I.e., 'Nikki shall vote Democrat.' would be correct, while 'Nikki shall continue breathing.' is still correct, but rather awkward. The phrase 'is going to' is substituted when using the passive rather than active voice.
Which means I'm going to have to cover that at some point, too. No wonder my English teachers were always so harassed.