pet peeves (and there are many)
Probably it's a bad idea for someone with as many elevator-related peeves as I have to live in a condominium. But as the diva said at the opera house, these things do happen. It doesn't help that my particular condominium is a 36-story building with only two elevators, each of which only services about half the number of floors. And the majority of the residents seem to be exactly the kind of people who drive me crazy, like:


1. people who can't seem to distinguish the 'up' button from the 'down' button. So there you are, riding up in the elevator, when it comes to a halt, the doors slide open, and some yahoo looks in blankly and says, "Ay, going up ba?" And the doors close again just before you can maul them for wasting your precious time. Honestly, the big arrow symbols on the call buttons are meant to be a clue.


2. people who don't do a damn thing when the doors are slamming shut on other people. Like when some poor schmoe struggling with fourteen bags of groceries is trying to load them into the elevator, and the S.O.B. standing by the control panel just stares blankly at them while the doors are repeatedly trying to close on their overburdened arms. It's common courtesy to hold the elevator open, you know, and it's also what the 'open' button is for.


3. people who insist on pressing the 'open' button when the doors have already opened on their floor. Like I said, the 'open' button is for those times when the elevator doors close prematurely. Otherwise, the doors open automatically when the elevator gets to the floor you've pressed on the control panel. Really. This is how elevators work.


4. people who stand directly in front of the doors and refuse to move when other people need to get in or out. Yeah, I know you need space to accommodate your ego, but move it aside, buddy.


5. people who step in last, overloading the elevator so that the doors won't close, and then refuse to step back out so that everyone else can get to where they're going. What, do you think we might not notice it was you?


6. people who feel the need to carry on conversations at the top of their lungs. But we have to forgive them somewhat, because thanks to all the other jerks, the elevator ride now takes about three hours or so, and you can't blame them for screaming in sheer frustration.


It's a good thing I don't need to go out every day.